dreaming of dysfunctional lgbt families

Happy LGBT Families Day! In honor of the occasion bloggers from across the blogosphere are posting on the topic. As I pondered what I could possibly write about the beautiful families I know whose members fall in the L, G, B, or T categories, I was aware that I feel a deep desire for them to share the luxury of failure. I'll explain.

I'm sure you already know LGBT families. You may not recognize that that supermom or attentive dad bringing soccer team snacks every week is differently gendered than you, but you've noticed that they're a great parent. LGBT students are easy to spot in your kids' classroom. They read first and fastest. Their parents are volunteering for every school event and chaperon position. They're probably the child that took up for your child that day your child was teased. Did you see the Rosie cruise ship special? Have you ever seen a vacation boat full of better adjusted children or caring parents? And while this makes me proud and happy for the children, I also know it's the result of societal pressures that make these families more vigilant, more aware than parents in male/female relationships. They don't have the option to fail because everyone is already watching them, judging the entire movement by them. So my hope is that this will fade, quickly rather than slowly. We'll know our society has moved past gender bigotry when we see openly dysfunctional, incredibly passive and disengaged LGBT families.

To be fair, LGBT families aren't just greater than average because they feel the pressure of every voyeur Dick and Jane. They're also great because they value family in such a way that only a person who had their own family life tested and strained could. Many of them had to carefully re-knit themselves a family, bestowing aunt or uncle titles to the people who stepped into these life rolls when those who share that distinction by blood chose not to be available. And while they would surely prefer it wasn't necessary, the chosen family is even more invaluable to the people who need them. As a result, their children grow up in the tight bonds of extended support networks that many straight families left behind in the name of careers or geography.

Finally, LGBT families are great because they're families. I'm fascinated by how families in all shapes and orders make themselves, how they get by. It's so hard to be a family in this contemporary age--the first in the history of our species when all of society wasn't oriented toward the institution of family. Raising children to survive another generation isn't exactly automatic now and as a result cultural adaptations have to compensate for the gaps in what Hillary considered the village. Those adaptations make for a beautifully rich fabric of unique and diverse families. Today is a great occasion to celebrate your own adaptations, however and why ever you had to find them. Happy day, everyone!